2011年10月12日 星期三

別了!契爺!

九月二十一日
別了!契爺......

在我無力走下去,您告訴我主是腳前燈。
在我走得乏力時,您說 I will follow you.
在我滿天陰霾的日子,您總逗我哭笑不得,還給我上最好品嚐的餐館....,新同樂的魚翅,Cova的精緻甜點,像是為了證明美好的東西就在身邊,只要肯去發現,沒有不可能得不到的。與此同時,我慢慢地變成被寵壞的公主。
可公主總是給人添愁煩,往牛角尖裏躲避世界,又鬧情緒,頭頂著雨天。然而,您總是陪伴我左右,牽著我的手,鼓勵我,稱讚我,教導我!主讓我人生路遇上您,容許我重新經歷父親的愛,沒有懼怕,沒有怯懦,沒有內疚。內疚的只有後悔這些日子,正是您最虛弱的時候,我竟沒有機會再牽您的手,給您加衣,給您掃背。契爺,我知您決絕的避見,是有您的原因,您總是為別人的好處周詳計算。您知嗎?每次在電話傳來您游絲的聲音,我的心真的很痛!此刻,您的話語雖然在耳邊,但原來您對我們來說,走得愈來愈遙遠!
明天是送別您的日子,內心交煎。仍然無法接受,再見不到您的臉,感受不到您體溫的事實。不過,您終能釋去身體的勞苦、折騰,相信是天父的美意,讓您永遠留在天堂的彼岸,脫離世界的形役。
沒有您,得不著微笑的溫煦。
沒有您,那來多力氣走出胡同。
只有您,將幽默化成詩,將笑靨點成許多生命的快樂足印。每一步的同行,成為向前的驅動!

2010年12月7日 星期二

周日話題﹕名校教了我什麼——女校生的反思
(明報)2010年12月5日 星期日 05:05
【明報專訊】直資名校被揭發一大堆混帳,那部古老幻燈片機就在我的腦袋開動不斷重播我的中學校園片段,晃眼已是十多年前的泛黃舊事。

我的母校,是港島區一家有逾百年歷史的女校,人稱「老牌名校」、「貴族學校」。我曾經為自己能夠入讀這樣的名校感到無比自豪,因為我們一班女生,既能說流利英語、又懂得吃西餐禮儀、亦能夠淡定自信於人前表現自己,根本唔將隔籬學校著旗袍紮孖辮的四眼妹放在眼內。

直至我做了記者,我才發現,所謂名校生獨有的自信、傲氣,還有世故、現實,跟那隻只懂呱呱叫的井底之蛙,沒太大分別。

八九六四    那年,我在鰂魚涌一間街坊中文小學讀小五。我是班長,自發貼了大堆剪報,發起同學手纏黑布。翌年六四1周年如是,我還記得我們和班主任一起哭。

1991年,我被派到那所名女校升中一,班主任比我更興奮,我卻戰戰兢兢。

我被編入全級最top的A班,噩夢開始——老師上課全講雞腸我聽唔明、英文堂默生字我無個寫得出、原校小學升上來的個個都已埋堆唔受我玩,和我一樣的外來生全班只有五六人,她們不是半唐番就是英文小學出身,來自中文小學的好像只我一個。

同窗:我唔想自己中文咁叻

中文堂,成為我的避難所,也是我唯一找回點點信心的課堂。可惜,我的同學都看不起中文,反而為自己中文成績遜於英文而感「自豪」。我很記得,中二那年我的同窗中文測驗全班最高分,她放學時卻苦瓜乾面口道﹕「我唔想自己中文咁叻,我要英文勁呀。」

不單我的同學,後過渡期年代的修女校長,也不將中文放在眼內。中三起我加入中文辯論隊,校方對我們的重視遠不及英文辯論,我的大師姐隊員都是高材生,閒談時笑道﹕「校長唔理我口地仲好,輸咗都無壓力。」據說,修女校長的臉孔在回歸後180度轉變,小師妹通風報訊,Sister近年經常強調要向北望學好普通話,轉直資後又花大筆錢裝修    搞個什麼孔子學堂,希望girls都要學好中國文化。

名校,就是如此現實。它貫輸的價值觀是七個字——識時務者為俊傑。不單校長,老師、同學,都很懂得做人——做一個成功的主流香港人,當然離不開一個錢字。

名校價值:識時務者為俊傑

我的同學,家住干德道司徒拔道,每天司機駕著勞斯萊斯定時定候接送。中二那年,富家女邀請我到她的大潭複式洋房,我到今天仍記得那個無敵大海景。那晚,我回到數百方呎的舊樓——我的家,感到前所未有的自卑。

同學雖然有錢,但她們不算show off——應該說,她們由開口講英文到言談間展現個人長處,是骨子裏自然流露的自信,外人覺得她們「寸」、「扮口野」,但那其實是她們是獨有的上流社會溝通方式、貴族間的溝通密碼。午飯鐘響,校園是中英夾雜的喧鬧、好動女生在球場打英式netball而非籃球羽毛球、貪靚的討論暑假去歐洲買什麼名牌。沒有人會談六四,也懶理香港回歸將至。

我當年自覺格格不入,這幾天我不停思考,這個年代獲獎學金的窮學生,入到直資學校後,可有當年我的自卑、孤單?

年輕的我用了半年時間,流了很多淚水、開了多晚通宵,就全程投入校園生活,學懂說美國    口音英文、不怕在堂上舉手答問題、在同學面前不再害羞,我學會了如何做個presentable的名校生。我的成績由包尾變成中等,更獲頒全年進步獎。我開始享受校園生活,和我的富家同學一起溫習看戲談天說笑。我享受自己被標籤成「A班精英」,有名人來校探訪,校長只會把他帶到我們A班;朗讀話劇跳舞我們A班都拿冠軍;老師最疼惜的又是我們A班。

勝王敗寇的遊戲規則

名校的遊戲規則是「精英制」,你入了A班、拎到獎,就是精英中的精英,如盛放牡丹成眾人焦點,其他班別的同學,只是你的綠葉。名校精英制,簡單來說是套用職場遊戲規則——勝者為王敗者為寇,職場的上位伎倆,名校生早在少年十五二十時就學懂——懂得識時務、懂看人眉頭眼額、懂把握機會表現自己長處。但少女含苞待放的天真純情,去了哪兒?年輕人對社會的熱血,為什麼丁點都不見?

中六那年,我被同學選了當Head Girl(雖然我不是會考狀元)。那年我18歲,成年了,看到所謂名校生、我的同學師妹,很多人雖然表面自信家境富裕,但其實心靈空虛,有的放學流連百貨公司不願回家、有的故意不穿整齊校服引人注意。我將我的發現告訴校長老師,希望他們多花時間關心同學,而非一味叫她們參加比賽幫學校拎獎。

結果我被大駡,更被視為最不聽話的Head Girl。

10多年了,如今,我不少中學同學都很有成就,有的是某某大公司主管、有的嫁了有錢人錦上添花。數月前,在婚宴重遇昔日的A班同學,她們說起自己的職業、老公、子女,當年班房裏的自信又再呈現,表現自己似乎是名校生的終身任務。

可是,我已不再是A班那個小薯仔,我不想再追隨A班大隊了。

離開名校投身記者工作後,我看到世界之大,不是只有干德道豪宅、生活也不是只有名牌拎獎、做人的價值也不是只懂得看人眉頭眼額。世界之大、胸襟之廣,是即使我們家住干德道,也知道香港有個地方叫深水埗有很多板間房;即使我們追逐名利,也關心世界大事懂得分辨是非黑白,而非趨炎附勢。

倒模生產典型香港人

教育的終極目標,是訓練每個人的獨立思考、批判思想。但名校在這方面做到幾多?名校最成功的,是它大批倒模生產一個個典型香港人——實際、精叻、識上位、識表現自己。但更深層的價值——真、善、美,名校又教了幾多?

這個每個名校生都應思考的問題。

後記

我不憎恨我的母校,畢竟它教曉我很多實際的。到今天我最好的朋友,都是和我背景類近的中學同學。雖然她們不讀報、不關心時事,但都有一顆溫柔的心。我預科時的中文老師是我最尊敬的人,也是我的死黨。

寫這篇文章,是希望香港人不要盲目貪慕名牌。所謂名校的教育理念,你作為家長是否認同?更重要的,是你希望學校教曉你的子女什麼?

而我最希望,香港出色的窮學生與富學生,都有平等機會入讀優質學校,這卻是我對直資概念的最大質疑。

文 蘆葦

編輯 屈曉彤、劉逸芝

2010年9月30日 星期四

優之女品

昨晚,相約摯友參加羅乃萱師母的品格講座—優之女品。

一眾姊妹們期盼已久,雀躍地回應當女人的好處,直覺告訴我的跟大家所講沒有兩樣:當女人可以生孩子、一嚐做母親的滋味,更有老公愛錫、「洗」老公錢、自己可以置裝扮靚……。總之大家開懷地發表女人之優,原以為整晚會在歡樂笑聲中,怎料最後我釋出眼淚,打開自己那破舊的包袱。

師母以女人的世情,引入聖經,結合人生經歷,信徒見證,語重深長地勾劃了一幅女人的成長地圖。今日香港的女性正處於「內憂外患」,不論妳是那一個年紀、階段,不期然引起會場的共鳴。

她還提出了發人心省的神學問題:

-上帝為甚麼要趁阿當睡覺才造女人?

-上帝為何選用阿當的肋骨?

-阿當和夏娃的創造本質有甚麼分別?背後有啥心意呢?

末段師母帶領我們進入聖經路加福音裡的情境,一個病倒整整十八年的女人,耶穌看見,呼喚她到跟前,用雨隻手按著,她就立刻直起腰來,耶穌跟她說:「您脫離這病了!」


(說到此時,師母隨即帶領我們一同站立,模倣這女子的姿勢。)


女人乏力地垂下肩膀,腰彎得一點直不起來,抬不了頭。然後,台上一個震撼的發問:「各位姊妹,您們看見了甚麼?」

台下的每個人眼睜睜所見的——只是地上的雙腳,重擔依然堅實的壓著這瘦小的身驅。無錯,我們可以看到的就只得一雙腳和那僅有的地土。倏忽間,我的眼腔熱了,深處的傷痛湧流出來!我不就是那病懨懨的女人嗎?過去苦毒囿在內心,放不開的恨,埋藏受傷的記憶……。神啊!像我這樣的一個女子,請您憐憫我、釋放我吧!這一個月,神透過不同的人告訴我饒恕的功課,饒恕不是放過他,而是真真正正放過自己!


長長的思念

今天如常疾步駕車上班途中,一輛鑽石山的靈車駛在我線上的前面,陰鬱的藍色,好不素靜,不由自主地惦記她—玲玲……,眼腔熱了。這些日子裡,像沒有人再跟我侃侃談起她。

雅虎電郵經常不住收到教會肢體患病、彌留、安息禮拜的通報消息,有的認識,甚或完全素未謀面。
似乎玲玲的禮儀奏鳴過後,教會間再沒有甚麼值得提起,彷彿跟我們現在身處的空間絕緣。愛像王家偉的重慶森林一樣,原是有限期的!回憶也有冰封的一天,想起昔日「懇切代禱」的提醒,完全是兩齣不日上演的戲!

無論您是誰,世界少了誰,花照樣綻放;照樣凋謝,或許有些悲涼,但這是成就宇宙自然律的寫照。一直弄不明白,為什麼人到了天家,我們就是忌諱地刪去對白,是安心上帝的預備新天新地嗎?

不知從哪日開始,我不敢再開啟教會的電郵,也不想記下將被「遺忘」的名字。怕—承受不了周而復始的送別;怕—我們每星期彼此握手祝福!

這陣子,我、業和舒雅到了阡陌教會崇拜。清心地投入主日崇拜,每晚臨睡前教女女讀主禱文.....,我仍然感應主的存在,敏銳人的心。
只是,偶然我忍不住撥電玲玲,希望跟她說一聲:「您在天家好嗎?」,電話卻如常傳來「你打的電話已經停止使用」的留言,好傻吧!?

玲玲2007年8月3日癌病離開了

2009年4月17日 星期五

No Frontiers: The Art of Ding Yanyong


Ding Yanyong(1902-1978), one of the most accomplished and sophisticated artists in modern Chinese history, extended the borders of Chinese and Western Art. He was the 'Oriental Matisse' and turned a new page of Chinese art in the 20th century.

Although the subject matter of his paintings are mainly imundane objects and living creaturess , the images he created under under his splashes of brush are extraordinary. Between 1957 and 1978, he had taught art at the New Asia College of the Chinese University of Hong Kong. As the former fine arts students mentioned, many outsiders came to his lecture because of the fame of Ding.

In 1902, Ding Yanyong was born in Mou-Ming, Guangdong province. He studied in Tokyo School of Fine Arts in 1921 . In his early art development, he adopted the style of Fauvism and Matisse. Then, Ding emigrated to Hong Kong in 1949. Despite he experienced great hardship, he still insisted on painting continuously. I really admire his pursuit of art even the condition was poor and resources were short. From the history stated in the exhibition, I can trace the history of the past and the transformation of the artist.

What impress me most are the interplay of different media and his personality revealed in the paintings. Moreover, he showed strong determination when facing struggling situations throughout his life. In the exhibition, I find the One-stroke Cat is the most impressive and creative which simplified the image in a single stroke only! You can really feel his childlikeness and power when confronting the artwork!

2009年3月25日 星期三

Closer to the 'spectator' and 'users'

All the way we appreiciate artworks in Art Museum, there must be certain scared distance dividing viewers and the artworks. We are taught to be obedient to 'worship' the High Art with traditional sense. It seems that the basic rules in an exhibition are understood, albeit we somehow really want to approach the artworks curiously.

Last week, I gained enormous visual pleasures in the Contemporary Hong Kong Art Gallery of Hong Kong Muesum of Art -- " Exhibition of Charming Experience". Curator Grace Cheng, who previously worked in Art Center, attemtpts to introduce an extraordinary experiences of art appreciation to the public. She quoted a few lines from the Universal Declaration of Human Rights: " Everyone has the right freely to participate in the cultural life of the community, to enjoy arts and to share in scientific advancement and its benefits.... " Both from the creative work of the artists and the scrupulous planning of the Museum open up the different sense of the audience to receive and interprete messages from the artworks. Besides the Chinese and English audio guild services, the Braille codes are also provided for blind people. The exhibition not only brings different people closer to each other, it apparently brings the audience closer to Art!

Ho Siu Kee - Visible Sound

Size variable/ Bronze, mixed media and video installation


Chow Chun Fai - Mahjong

Size variable/ Oil on wood/ 2003


With the deconstruction of the object's form, the artist has shifted the Mahfong players' attention from the game to their bodies. I doubt if it is another useless invention or writing a new rule for the games?





Otto, Li Tin Lun

Ludwig van Beethoven's Symphony No.5 in C minor, First Movement

Size variable/ Mixed media and video installation


Otto Li's animation and mixed media stimulates our vision and sense of hearing. He vividly interplays the physical reality and virtual space into a new form of digital units. Both ends are the pixel images showing on the screen. At the first glance, the groups of digital units hung on wall are solid and concrete. But when I was encouraged by the security staff, I felt its softness and smoothness. I do appreciate his conceptual idea of translating the computer pixel images into tangible sculpture! The mixture of high art and scientic technology strenghten its contemporaneity.


Kwok Ying- Commodity

Size variable/ Colour pencil and cement on canvas

Details

Kwok Ying's work is poetic. Her subjectivity and the intension of drawing or painting is strongly reflected from her artwork. That's the reason I long for her works. The daily motifs chosen in this series is crucial to her. She has strong sense of her surrounding. In her hands, the towels are not just commodity, but lines and colour. We are directed to form a new way of seeing! Her works are soft but confident. May not carry serious issue or academic topic but is familar and personal. I am looking forward to seeing more surprise from her new paintings!

anothermountainman- Impermanet

Size variable/ Mided media/2009






1 1/ 2 2 (Two Art)

3x3x3m/ Mixed media

This is one of the most fascinating artworks in my eyes of my students! Pak is a conceptual artist who is well know as a visual art columnist in newspaper. With the instruction and sketches given by the artist, the visitor become a 'user' and learn how to 'play' with the mixed media! They peep in from a hole, touch and feel the heat and finally leave marks on the wall. All keep trying effort to explore the meaning of incompletenss. Through the shared experience, we get more idea to communicate with the artist and another 'half '!

Without the active 'users', an exhibition can't be completed! It's worth to visit once more!

2009年2月1日 星期日

Any similarities?

On 17th Nov, teacher Helen and we fellow classmates went to visit Fotan Artists' open studios. After the group exhibiton I jointed there five years ago, I found many changes have taken place in 'the Fotan artists village' since then . For example, the infrastructure of Wah Luen industrial centre has been improved a lot. Perhaps more commercial art galleries are the main reason behind.

The Blue Lotus Gallery is the most impressive gallery I visited. Also, it aims to support the development of Hong Kong local artist. Just outside the gallery and the entrance of a local artist Stepthen's studio, I noticed two different styles of light guarding their doors. Can you match them right? These two are interesting components, aren't they?

Fontan is an energetic zone!